the weekend - END

its over.

The mental need to eat what I previously did not. over
The need for foods i was forbidden. over
Cheese, Wheat, processed, deep fried.  over

Since my appointment on Wednesday,  I made a decision, to eat what i wanted, with the thought in mind that Monday, i'd go back to the veggies. Back to the new normal.

I accepted that I would likely feel bad. Maybe get the runs, stomach pain, something.

I didn't expect this.

the state I am in now.

Can be described similar to hay fever, or a horrific cold. but its not a cold, and its not hay fever.

I have not suffered from Hay fever my whole life. I don't think I'd be starting now.
and although i have the symptoms of a cold. there is a major difference that there is no bacteria / virus involved.  That much I can feel.  I don't feel "sick", i don't feel my body is invaded. I feel my body is waging war on my stomach and its contents.

which is exactly what happened this weekend. War.

I kept dropping bomb after bomb. assaulting my system.

I ate _____ (insert pretty much any meal for the past 4 days.)  knowing that my stomach couldn't take it.  and then a few hours later, I'd drop another bomb down the hatch, by way of pizza, subway, cheezies, beer.

I felt poorly, heavy, over full, gross.  I slept horribly. but i still ate whatever my brain wanted. whatever I could think up.   I dipped stuff in ranch dressing.  I ate more than my stomach could hold. and then had the last piece just because.

I sat on the couch and held my stomach, with a pang of regret. but then went into the kicthen to find more snacks.

I would cry. ramdomly, for no reason. not out of guilt, or pain. but just because. triggerless crying because my emotions were also affected as much as my body was physically. I felt sad at times. elated at others. motivated to clean. but not knowing how to get off the couch to start. The dog food I bought on friday still sits in the trunk of my car. but i did finally mop the floors on Sunday evening after avoiding it all weekend.

I'd walk past the mirror, and pause, doing a double take, at the sheer size of my boated belly. it was hard, and pushed out, and uncomfortable.  I had a gatorade. I prefered sweats.

I wanted to do nothing but sleep. and eat more. and eat nothing. and drink water. torn.

its monday.

I feel like i went on a bender. which i did. but not of the alcohol variety. it was a food bender.

and lunch is steamed rainbow Chard. Mango as a snack, Carrots as another snack. water.

dinner will be broccoli, or butternut squash.

tomorrow, I have 3 appointments. all to aid digestion.

i'm hoping for a fast reset.  That the sniffly, sneezy, allergy feeling.... goes away fast.

time will tell.