if you had any doubts before...

today is a big bad gloomy horrible day.  its only 7:21 am.

i know now that it started last night. I was WAY unmotivated. i didnt even make myself a proper dinner.

 I sat on the couch, i was freezing. i couldn't get warm.. I wondered if 7 pm was too early for bed.  I stayed up until 10 pm anyways

this morning. the alarm went off and in my head i cursed as I hit the snooze button.

stupid morning, stupid alarm, its warm in my bed.

I meander to the bathroom to be greeted with eye goo. my eyes kind of sting and i look in the mirror.  its been about a month since i had any of this.   its not over the top, but its here. where it hasn't been lately.

my right nostril / sinus is full and not amount of blowing is going to make the feeling go away. its just... stuffy, congested.  i tried a few times. no luck.

I showered, the steam did nothing to fix my nose problem, i fished more goo out of my eyes.

i got dressed. grumbled into the kitchen, ate breakfast.  I have a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, i woke up a bit bloated.

I feel ....UGH! .... slow heavy, tired, cranky, like i want to curl up in my bed and cry,, or sleep, or both. I want to watch sappy movies on the couch under a pile of blankets.

 i want to turn off my phone. close my office door, i dont want to talk, make small talk, smile.

but part of me knows. without a doubt, that this is ALL because i have been not eating veggies. Because I have been eating things my body has detoxed itself from.

I had subway for lunch yesterday, i had a small small piece of cake yesterday afternoon to celebrate some office birthdays,  i had ice cream and ribs the day before.

in what I have eaten lately regardles of how small the quantity, the following has been consumed in some form.....i have had salt, cheese, bread, milk, sugar, preservatives, hot sauce, pork, bacon, ham, turkey, brownie chunks, icing, cake, cheesies.

and for the 25 days prior, i didn't have a single sniff of any of that.

i feel horrific.  Lunch today is steamed Chard and Cauliflower, with a pear or an avocado as a snack.  I am so excited. I have high hopes that it'll make me feel better. or at least not worse?

I WANT it to make me feel better. 

I will be ok today, i will smile, and talk and act differently than how i feel inside.

but it won't be how I feel inside...