Lunch

is YUM.

I get sweet stuff this week!  Maple Syrup!  YUM yum yum.

Can you name a blog post "Gas" ?

yea, its about gas.. and not the car driving kind.

Last week I barely ever had gas. which i found weird since i was eating veggies. only. which i thought make me gassy.

but they didn't.

this week i get to have Spelt bread at breakfast.

and now I have gas again.  

I'll have to mention this to the Dr.  cuz it smells a bit and i was kind of enjoying being non gassy.

just figured you may all want to know about farting and stuff.

Me... before....

in another world

In another world, i'd be enjoying the free pizza that has been in the kitchen each and every day for the past 3 or 4 work days.

instead of going in the kitchen, cursing at the sight and smell of it, and walking out with my veggies, or water, or whatever I went there for.

sigh...

my "creamy fruit salad"  is pretty good though.

made with goat yogurt.

surprised? or just aware?

it takes alot of control to look at something, and desire it. but leave it.

I have some of the delicious spread here today. for my mid afternoon snack.

and its still here. i have opened the container 3 times to smell it. but haven't had it yet,  I haven't eaten my alloted afternoon snack. yay me.

and I dont know if I am surprised at myself regarding the amount of self control i have, or more aware, knowing i've always had it, but chose to blatantly ignore it sometimes.

Elated

I just made

Sweet Potato-pine nut spread

does it sound good?

 it should.

 its so effing good my life will never be the same. 

I may have haunting dreams knowing its in the fridge and i get to eat only 2 tablespoons tomorrow.... and I have to leave the rest for another day. 

if you though torture was only eating steamed veggies for a week.  think again.  Torture is having something this delicious in the fridge and being unable to eat it all and lick the bowl after.

MIXED EMOTIONS

i am all over the place.

happy - I am home. after spending all day going to various grocery stores and the farmers market I am super frustrated with everything and am not going out again today

not happy - i didn't get everything i needed. I forgot a jacket potato. like you would use to make a baked potato

happy - i bought cheese. today ends my vegan-ism and moves me to the vegetarian side of things tomorrow. however its blue cheese and goat cheese only. Velveeta is apperantly not really even cheese. haha

not happy - three tiny pieces of cheese cost me $21. and I realize now that i put back a big piece of blue cheese for a smaller one because I asked how long it would last and she said a week. so i figured i didn't want to throw out blue cheese, so i got a smaller different kind, which i see now was $3.50 more than the big one i put back. DUH!

happy - i tasted the blue cheese and like it. strong! but i like it.

not happy - i haven't pooped today and feel like i should have already

happy - I have lost 3 - 5 lbs already.   i ballpark because i didnt know my exact weight before..but definately at least 3 lbs,  maybe as much as 5 lbs.   Yay me.

happy - i get bread tomorrow!  its spelt bread though. so dunno if it is going to satisfy me the way a big baggette dipped in oil and vinegar would.

not happy. - no yummy snacks. i like snacking. i dont get to snack. sigh

happy.and not happy -  i have been having wicked sleeps lately. except last night i had a dream my finger was going to fall off, and my ring was cutting of circulation and had to be surgically removed. and my finger hurt and hurt and hurt.  and i woke up this am and see that my ring is on my nightstand.  which means my finger was hurting and it woke me enough for me to remove my ring and place it on the nightstand.

happy - my neighbor is taking Luna for a walk/run sometimes. she needs the exercise. even if my neighbor is super weird. she is currently off with him. hope she comes back exhausted.

undecided - although this week looks more tasty food wise, its alot more prep work and I am kind of tired of being in the kitchen all the time.

I have an exam on wednesday that I have barely studied for because i lack the know how of actually studying. i rarely did it (studying). i get distracted after 5 min and give up. and i wish i had snacks. feels like I am mostly going to wing it. I am taking wednesday off work. so i will study all day . in theory.... test is in the evening. I will def. be well rested and not have work stresses going in to it. and that alone should help.

there were tonnes of food samples at the farmers market. they all smelled and looked amazing and super delicious.  I had none. NOT HAPPY. (but proud.. of will power... cuz the tarts were calling me... big time..)

what i miss

I am almost done one week of this.  Its hard to believe that I haven't cheated.

OK, i cheated last night.  because I was watching TV [ Survivor] and really wanted something sweet.

so I ate ONE DATE.  as slow as i could.  and then promptly forgot about food altogether.  

But one date isn't a cheat really, although its not listed as an after supper snack, it is listed as part of breakfast.  and so i figured one date would not compromise all i have done this week.

i miss textures mostly.  the food i have been eating is mostly satisfying in the way of fullness. and better than i expected in the way of taste. but lacking in the way of texture and pleasure.. 

there is nothing warm and gooey, like pizza melting. or creamy, like chocolate or ice cream. or just the feel of bread, toast, a pastry.  all those textures are part of the joy of eating those things.  there is nothing crunchy like chips.  and i would forgo the chips just for something to crunch like that in my mouth.  and no a raw carrot is not going to do it.

Lunch is more steamed veggies,  with spiced steamed chick peas.  I get to spice the chick peas with Cumin and pepper,  and those will be the first 2 spices I can use this week.  so far i have only been allowed lemon juice, balsamic vinegar with olive oil, or sunflower oil. 

I am really excited about the CUMIN.  i stuck my nose in it for a whiff this morning, and frankly can barely wait to taste it.

but then i think... mmm cumin...reminds me of indian food. mmmm naan bread, butter chicken, the textures.  and lunch is somewhat less exciting.

Next week i get blue cheese.  I am ok with blue cheese.  i dont love it. dont hate it.  i hope and think on monday at dinner, i will love it, because the taste will be new, and the texture is going to be a twice baked potato.  which might hit the creamy and warm texture feeling.

how about we skip it?

I emailed him, asking for advice on the diet, and on the race I am registered for.

He said I can skip the herbal teas.  I dont drink much tea. I'd rather have water.

he also asked if I can skip the race.

"Not a great idea, can we not do it? "

I haven't decided. right now. I still plan on doing it.

but we'll see how I feel by the end of next week.

it'll be the end of week 2 that is race day.

I won't be racing if I have to go to the bathroom every hour still.

I'm still going to the race, whatever my decision, be it to run, or to cheer. I'll still be there.

BEING VEGAN

I hadn't realized it fully until I read it in my book.

This first week is completely vegan.

I had always thought that Vegan-ism would be really hard. and that I'd be hungry all the time.

its not as hard as i figured. but perhaps that due to me having a book that is telling what to eat each meal.

i am definitely not hungry.  In fact I often find myself forcing down the last bit of breakfast.  Because its a lot more filling that I expected.

Oh and an update.....

 That whole I am feeling awesome post from yesterday afternoon... was short lived.
I felt awesome for less than an hour.   and then it was followed with a big wave of SACK OF HAMMERS.

and

Flax seed oil has quite a pleasant taste.   I was a bit worried as I am supposed to have a tablespoon each day at breakfast.  Straight up oil.   It was quite easy to take. BIG RELIEF.

bogged down

"Take your clothes off and just relax" she said.

I went for my first Lymph treatment. unclothed from the waist up, i lay on a table with a blanket draped across my chest. its folded up and my stomach is exposed.

she gently gives me a belly rub, taking time to focus on my liver.

Meanwhile I have two Electrode type things down my pants in the crevice of my legs. The part where your leg meets your pelvis. where you bathing suit or underwear would sit.

"It'll draw the lymph down" she said.

It was relaxing. but I wished i could have been asleep. making small talk in certain situations makes me feel awkward. This was one of them.

Soon she is done the belly rub and asks me to move the right electrode.  I remove it and she places it on my liver.  and I wait for 10 min, taking deep breaths as instructed.

she returns and gives me a liver massage. my liver bogged down. the machine tells her that.

After that I have to place the electrodes under my breasts. and wait another 10 min. deep breathes

and then they get jammed up in my armpits, for another 10 min. more deep breathing

She comes back and tells me that i will have to give myself massages at home. in the shower works best. arm above your head and move your hand down along the inside of your arm, she finishes explaining and adds in

and take time to relax throughout the day.  Take deep breaths. it helps more than you realize.

oh, and don't be concerned if you feel worse.  some people react to this more than others.  so you may feel gross later. Some people dont react at all.

i don't feel 'gross' per say.  but i feel bogged down, heavy, my muscles are stiff. with zero reason as I have not excercised at all recently.

which is a whole different issue......

weeeeeeeee

right now I am feeling pretty awesome.  Especially in comparison to how the past few hours were.

i feel clear headed. good warm even body temperature. 
Stomach is still full from lunch [1130 pm]

No gassy feeling, or bloating really.

~~

i read in the book that is a particular veggie is unavailable that I can substitute it with another veggie no problem.

 Broccoli is now "unavailable"

I do not like it.  sorry Broccoli.  you are OUT

This diet includes not so cheap things as well. actually, nothing is cheap... but i found Avacados on sale for $0.61  each.... down from $1.19 each... score.

But then...... Flax oil.

1/2 litre. = $23.

OMG

but look at what it can do for you!

hills and valleys

its crazy how aware i am of the ups and downs of this.

 yesterday was a treat. felt ok, then NOT ok, ok, NOT, ok NOT

today i woke up and felt pretty good.

until about 9:30.   then i started to feel hungry, or something like that , and went pee for the 6 time today.

at about 10 am I ate my mid morning snack.  [ 1/2 avacado]

and now i feel like death. tired, heavy, hot. almost weak.

and I have to poo. again.

did I mention hot?

 i am hot hot hot right now.

None of this is meant to sound negative. I am happy. although i would like to be in bed, or on my couch.  my mood is good. maybe a bit slow, and heavy,  but not in a bad mood at all.

at a loss

i am so tired.  not generally speaking,  but actually physically, eye drooping, head nodding, falling asleep where I sit tired.

 or stand for that matter.... i could sleep on my feet right now.

I tried walking around my office to get blood flowing.

how do you stay awake when you can't have caffeine?

I am at a loss.

feeling worse as the day passes.

tomorrow could be messy.

didn't even get through typing this post without a couple very long delayed blinks and a couple head nods...

detox diet - day 1 so far

Breakfast was ok.  I ate an apple and some quinoa and a date and a cup of what I will call "Veggie Tea"

The Date was without a doubt my favorite part.

I didnt have any flax seed oil on hand or Grapefruit juice.  Those will be added tomorrow after my trip to the grocery store tonight.

mid morning snack - 1/2 an apple.   It was good.  the other 1/2 is browning on my desk, waiting for me to eat it mid afternoon.  I can hardly wait i tell you.

slow on the water uptake, [ goal 3 L ]  but thats probably cuz I have to pee every 2 seconds and am subconciously trying to make that happen less.

Lunch - steamed veggies. Potatoes, carrots and brocolli.  I am allowed to season with oil and vinegar, or lemon juice.  but i forgot. so they are plain. steamed. thats it.

they are OK.  Taste like veggies. I am bad at chewing.. i dont chew nearly enough.  so i am focusing on chewing.  makes the veggies more juicy.  but also more monotonous.

I haven't had any physical sugar cravings today.  but i have had a few psychological ones.
makes me wonder if they are all psychological.....

20.5 days to go.

will it get easier? or harder?

I am not sure which day I suspect will be the worst.  but I am guessing it'll fall in week ONE.

.... and I talk about poo

"Are you high?"

~~~~~~~
This weekend was pretty random to say the least.  I started the herbal supplements on Thursday. They are all pretty much to help me produce healthy stomach bacteria.

My insides have been less than healthy for quite some time. I have never been one to have regular bowel movements. few times a week at best for a while now.

I've come to a point where i am sick of the side effects.  the lethargy, tiredness, lack of energy, bloating, gas, you name it.

I am dumping my toxic load.

now... this is all personal speculation.... but it seems reasonable, and explainable.

I started the herbals on Thursday evening.

They are meant to help my body purge the toxins. By way of healthy bacterial balance. so the toxin purging started on Thursday,.... but the first toxic 'dump' if you will,  did not happen until Saturday around lunch time.

so.. you wonder... what happens when your organs are dumping toxins, but your body is not dumping anything....

 you get high.

 its the only way I can explain it.

 I was bat shit crazy all day on Friday and Sat morning until I had that first 'dump'

I found that I could not find words to make simple sentences. complete and utter lack of focus. I had the attention span of an aphid. I said random things.

to subway guy when he asked what I wanted: " hey, whats up " [ everybody laughed]

I found almost everything insanely funny.  to the point where i would still be laughing about it 10 - 15 - 20 min later. even by myself.

The subject of wiener water [ hot dog soup? ] came up and I lost it for a while. Tears streaming hysterics.

I could barely focus on a game of cards and had to repeatedly ask what suit was Trump.

Hypersensitivity to everything.  the elastic of my pants, the texture of the chap stick. the feel of the cushion beneath my behind. Everything.

it was somewhat euphoric. but i was to air-headed to even really enjoy it.

i had an insanely overheated sleep on Friday night.  half woke up wondering why my shirt was wet, but fell back asleep before consciousness.

Saturday morning I asked for help cutting veggies cuz I knew that me and a knife wouldn't work out well.

 Then I pooped. and I was fine.

What happens when you pay attention

you start to notice things you didnt before.  Or see things you chose to ignore.

I am starting an extreme Naturopathic diet on Monday. To fix my insides. My digestion has never been amazing.  its time to do something about it.

 more on what i was told later.

 for now.

 McDonalds.

Big Mac Meal.

11:47 am.

It was good. damn good.  its part of my eat anything i want that crap until monday whe i have to start this diet.

I liked it. I skipped most of the fries, but ate the whole burger and drank almost all of the cola.

By the time I got back to the office [ work] I was hot, sweating even.  behind the knees, armpits and inside of my elbows.   My face felt hot and my lower back was starting to bead.

 I would have taken off my sweater to cool off, but I only have a tank top on underneath and didn't feel it appropriate for the office.  My feet were hot too and i dreamed of taking off my shoes.

but my feet sweat. and so was worried they may smell already so i didn't.

Enter in the flushing.  my face is red.  visibly. and my neck and forearms and armpits are itchy.

so are the top of my feet now that i think about it.

 its currently 3:00 pm.... and i am still reacting to the big mac.

 I have no doubt thats what it is. zero doubt.

my cheeks, still hot, feel a bit puffy as well,  if i really sit and think about it.

if I didn't think about it, I'd just pass it off to the office being wonky and someone messing with the thermostat. but no one has said its hot in here today. and everyone still has sweaters on.  so its just me.

me and my big mac.

Never the same again

I went to the grocery store with some co-workers yesterday to buy a lottery ticket.

I bought a chocolate bar and they bought a lottery ticket.

Life will never be the same.

it will be a battle to not have this on hand, to not have a piece of its velvety goodness in my mouth for every minute of every day.

I will think of it, and long for it. always

no promises

on regularly returning to the blogging world.  but maybe

• I gave Luna a birthday since I don't know her real one. - its Today!!

• I bought a chocolate bar i have not seen before. Lindt Dark, with Chili.   I am in love and have ate all of it,  save for one square.  The life of that square....it not going to be long.

• I am having a horrifically hard time focusing on work lately.
  

• I have an appointment with a Naturopath tomorrow. One that came highly recommended. I have high hopes that I can find a path to a healthy digestive system, not plagued with bloating and gas.

• I totally love talking about poop. I'd do it with a perfect stranger.  I hope he asks tomorrow.

• Speaking of poop.... I am seriously considering starting Colon Hydrotherapy treatments as well. but will discuss this first at my appointment tomorrow.

• I really love bread and bread products, but am considering giving them up. Except for maybe one day a month, on which I will likely make myself sick by binging on them, since the thought of never having bread again is too hard to bear / bare  [ i really don't know which one is right at this moment in time.....it'll come to me later]
  

uh oh!

I have registered for a 16km road race on April 18.

My first ever event.

I haven't run for over 2 weeks due to life getting in the way.

work all day followed by a course all evening leaves no time for running!

19 days until race day.

so exciting!